My employee wanted to record our discussion. What happened to trust?

I am liberal in approving time-off requests and am flexible about working from home when requested. My offer to let them change their standard schedule was turned down. The explanation for the change they adopted was to work longer days so they did not have to use vacation hours to take Fridays off.

How can this be, and where do I go from here? The situation has undermined my confidence and trust in my work relationships.

Here’s what your boss may be able to see while you’re working from home

Karla: Even though your staffer’s demand to go on the record has caught you by surprise, it’s consistent with a broader atmosphere of mistrust in the workplace. Employers with doubts about remote and hybrid workers’ productivity and dedication are deploying increasingly sophisticated technology to monitor and track them through work-issued phones, laptops and ID badges, not to mention going full throttle on return-to-office mandates.

Meanwhile, employees, aware they’re being surveilled and alarmed at what they see as employers’ reversal on flexible work models, are focusing on ways to protect their privacy and autonomy.

Bosses mean it this time: Return to the office or get a new job!

On TikTok and Reddit, employees are encouraged to record performance discussions and workplace interactions to protect themselves.

They might also feel emboldened by a National Labor Relations Board this year that Starbucks employees secretly recording managers’ conversations at work, in defiance of state law and company policy, were engaging in federally protected concerted activity.

Finally, examples abound of employees using recordings to capture hard evidence of abuse and illegal activity in the workplace.

Tom Spiggle of Spiggle Law recalled a client who was sexually harassed by a manager: “When they were alone he would say all this terrible stuff to her,” said Spiggle, but when the employee tried to file a complaint, she was told it was her word against the boss’s. She started carrying a hidden recorder; soon she had the proof she needed, in the boss’s own words.

All of this is to say that I see this recording reflex as part of a broader trend, not necessarily a direct indictment of you or your management style. I agree with you that it indicates a lack of trust — but in multiple directions.

Your employee may not trust you, or themself, to correctly understand and remember the outcome of the discussion. Or they don’t trust that any agreement will be upheld if things change at work.

They may also feel that you don’t trust them to manage their time or complete their work appropriately, so they want to nail down the expectations they have to meet.

Finally, it’s possible they threatened to record as a bluff, hoping you would drop the questioning.

In all but the last scenario, it’s a good sign that they told you upfront they were recording, instead of just proceeding in secret. That suggests they’re generally trustworthy but want some insurance.

You can decline to participate in a conversation you know or suspect will be recorded. But that will just confirm to the employee that you’re uncomfortable being held to account — and you’re going to need to have this discussion eventually.

When you’re in a position of power over someone whose trust in you is fragile, the key to restoring that trust is transparency.

Assuming the best of your employee, think about what they’re really asking for in a recording: confirmation of your intentions. “It sounds like you want this discussion to be on the record. Why don’t we set up a time to discuss it formally, with a third-party observer, and try to come to an agreement?”

Scheduling an official talk will also give you time to think through your objections, instead of blurting something you don’t mean that may be used against you later. Is their desired schedule incompatible with the job? Or is it simply that you can’t manage a team without clear communication and predictable schedules?

Back in the office? Fine. But not 9-to-5.

Being candid about your position and actively listening to the responses will encourage your employee to do likewise. You may discover subordinates don’t find you as easygoing and approachable as you believe yourself to be. Your employee may realize that, in this case at least, seeking buy-in ahead of time is better than hoping for forgiveness.

Hopefully this shake-up will turn out to be a minor hiccup in an otherwise solid work relationship. At minimum, it’s a reminder to apply the same standards to workplace conversations as to work emails: Don’t say things at work that you wouldn’t want played back in court or on a news broadcast.